Brad, Scarlett, Kassidy, and Jonathan: February 2012

I can't believe how horrible I have been at blogging! I was trying to get caught up, and that obviously hasn't happened. So I decided to take a break from the picture posts, and do an update on our fertility situation.

We are doing our third and final round of invitro in March. So crazy. Not much is different this time. I did my month of birth control, which was a nightmare. Or should I say I was the nightmare. This medicine made me literally crazy! I would yell one second and be crying the next. Then not 2 minutes later I'm laughing. Seriously crazy. And it gave me migraines. So I am so happy to be off that, and I will NEVER have to go on it again. YAY!

I've been on my estrogen for a couple weeks, and yesterday I started my progesterone. I am also on Lovonox. Crap. Let me back up a bit. After my second round of invitro, I was talking to my very frustrated dr, and he could not figure out why the heck I am not getting pregnant. So he decided to do another series of blood tests on me. Tests that aren't even done in Utah. Which is weird. But I didn't ask any questions. I just got my blood drawn here and then sent it off to Chicago. Well, one of the tests came back positive. In the very simplest terms it said that I was not getting enough blood to my uterus. So now I am on Lovonox. A blood thinner that is a shot that goes in my tummy. Thought I would be used to it when my husband gave me the shot last night. Nope. Still hurts. But you do what you gotta do.

There will be several other meds that I will be starting this week, but I am sure you don't really care to know what those are. ;)

Several people have asked me how it all works. So I will briefly explain the frozen embryo transfer process. The morning of the transfer, I have to drink lots and lots of water. On my way there, I take a Valium. Yup, they want you nice and relaxed during the process. By the time I get there, Brad has to help me walk straight inside because the only thing I can think about is not wetting myself. The Valium has kicked in, and if I'm not careful, I will wet my pants. Luckily they get us back pretty quickly, I lay down, and they bring in what looks like an incubator thing. (Now keep in mind, I am totally drugged up at this time and have to pee SO bad, I'm not really paying attention to my surroundings.) The dr is there. He gets a really long skinny tube like device, puts it, um, where it's supposed to go. At the same time they have the ultrasound thingy pressing really hard on my lower abdomen, and then they shoot the little babies up there. Well, not literally shoot, but somehow they put them in the skinny tube and get them in my uterus. The dr double checks to make sure they are in there, and Voila, they're done. I don't watch the ultrasound because I'm doing my best not to pee on the dr's hands, but Brad does, and he says it's really neat. He's sees the little embryos go in. Now they just need to stick!

Anyway, sorry if that was a little TMI. I just know a lot of people are curious. So my friend asked me how I was feeling about doing invitro this final time. "Are you excited?" she asked. Well, I wouldn't really describe myself as excited. The first time I was. It was like Christmas morning the day of my transfer. The second time I was cautiously optimistic. The third time? The best way to describe me is peaceful. Surprised? Ha! I kinda am too. I do have a lot of other things on my mind right now, but both Brad and I feel very at peace with everything. Will it be hard if it doesn't work? Very. But Brad and I also feel very good about adopting. We know that we have done everything we physically could to get pregnant, and if it doesn't work, we know that it's not the Lord's will. Right now anyway.

We went to an adoption orientation at LDS Family Services in January. It was awesome. So neat to learn how it all works. And we will continue that process if we don't get pregnant this time.

The Lord works in mysterious ways, and I am coming to understand some things that I didn't before. I am actually grateful for this trial. Not that we don't have more kids, but the way it's changed Brad and me. We are SO much stronger because of all this. Our testimonies, our marriage, the way we look at life in general has changed. And you know what? If I could, I wouldn't change a thing. I know we are going to have more children. Whether it's through me or someone else, we are going to have more kids.

I feel my Savior's love so strongly. I know he is aware of my challenges. Not just mine, but all of ours. And he loves us so much, and those darkest times, when I have felt so alone, I know he has lifted me up. Because I wouldn't have been able to get through this without him.

One other thing that has been a huge blessing to me is all of you. I am amazed at all the love people have shown Brad and me. I really, truly, love you all. I will never be the same because of YOU! So thank you, and if you don't mind, say a little prayer for Brad and me. We have alot of things going on right now, and could sure use some extra strength.

Hopefully in a couple weeks you'll be hearing some good news from me! Yay! Can't wait!

Holy crap. I am SO behind! I am trying to catch up. So this post is going to be pics with little wording. Hopefully. I tend to talk to much. Lol!

We went to Gardner Village with my mom, my sis-in-law, Heather, and her sons. It was so fun. And the kids loved it!

Kassi, Zach, and Danny. None of the kids wanted to stand close to the witch. Too funny.