First Shot

Tonight was the first shot. Whoa. Kinda interesting. In my last post I was obviously very stressed about all the shots. Well, this last week has put things into perspective for me.

I got really sick. Sicker than I have been in a long time. I got strep, and then some virus in my ears, sinuses, and chest, then I got pink eye. I have NEVER had pink eye before. I was like what the crap is going on? With all that going on my father-in-law fell down some stairs and shattered both his feet and has been in the hospital. Oh, and Brad was gone for a couple days at Youth Conference. I'm telling you. The best week, ever.

Well I was talking to one of my friends on the phone, and she was like, "Don't you start your shots on Saturday?" I had totally forgot. Holy cow. That was this week. So, I figured the Lord did some things this week to put things into perspective for me. I had so many other things to think about, I no longer felt stressed about the shots. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Well, the day finally came, and we had had kinda a training with our nurse on how to do the shots, but there is an online video you can watch as well. So Brad got out our laptop and turned on the video. Surprisingly I was totally calm. Brad was getting a little ornery but I assume that's cause he was a little stressed.

Well, the time came when I squeezed the fat on my stomach, and as Brad got the needle closer, I panicked. Ya, Brad was staying calm, and my hands wouldn't stop shaking. The needle really isn't that big, but the thought of Brad putting the needle in my stomach was not sitting well with me. Brad told me to calm down. So I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and told him to do it.

The needle going in wasn't too bad. It hurt, but I can take it. Well, when he took it out, that is when it really started to hurt. I put the gauze on it cause it was bleeding a little. But it also felt like it was hot. And then the area got red, started to itch, and the injection site started to swell. Brad started to get nervous that he didn't put the needle in all the way, and I started to get nervous that I was having an allergic reaction. They tell you how to do the shot, but they don't tell you what is going to happen after.

So we decided to call the on call nurse. I told her the situation. She said the redness and itching is normal, but the swelling isn't so much. She told me to call her if it got bigger.

Well, I am happy to say, it is pretty much back to normal. Phew. This is so nervewracking! I've never received a shot without a medical professional around. All the needles and swabs and wipes and medicines. It's crazy!

Luckily right now we are only doing one shot a night. In a couple weeks we will be starting more. But as for right now I will just focus on this one. Taking it one day at a time. It overwhelms me to think I will be having shots in my stomach for another 3 weeks. But then I think, Holy cow. I am going to get pregnant next month, and it makes every single one of these shots worth it.

Kassi's Preschool Graduation

Kassi went to a great preschool in our neighborhood. She loved it and looked forward to it everyday that she would go. I am very lucky that way. I was always afraid that her being the only child that she would be socially awkward, and would have a hard time around others. I was afraid for no reason. Kassi is extremely social and thrives when she is around other children. She is very independent, and can't wait for the day when she gets to go to kindergarten and ride the school bus. A couple months before she graduated, her preschool went on a field trip to Farm Country at Thanksgiving Point. We've been there many times and taken many pics, so I only took a few when we were there.

Kassi riding the pony, and playing in one of the buildings.

Here are pics of her graduation. Kassi and her lil friend Leah.

Kassi, Leah, Ethan, and Zach singing some of their songs.

Kassi and her class with her teacher, Mrs Leanne.

Kassi with Mrs Leanne

Kassi's friend, Ella, with Mrs Leanne.

Kassi and her cousin, Zach. They were so lucky to go to preschool together, and are excited to go to kindergarten together, too.

With Grandma

And last but not least, our lil family.

Overwhelmed is an Understatement

So I said in a previous post that I am going to be doing invitro in August. After much thought and prayer, Brad and I knew this was the right step for us to take. So the first step to the process, after all the testing, is birth control. I know. Totally crazy. I'm off birth control for 5 years, and now I'm back on, when I want a baby more than ever. They do that to regulate you and also birth control stops the growth of cysts and endometriosis. I'll be on that til early August.

I start all the other major drugs the end of this month. Well, today all those medications were delivered. Holy cow. I opened the large box and started pulling things out. I pulled out one package of needles. Then another. And another. Oh, and one more. I thought, this can't be right. As I went online to my dr's website and was looking up all the drugs they sent me, I soon realized that I was not having one drug that was done through a shot. I was having 4. FOUR!!!! I started thinking what the heck I got myself into.

I then proceeded to watch the instructional videos on how to give yourself a shot in the stomach. Now keep in mind, every medication has a different instructional video. Each shot has different directions on how you are supposed to prepare it and inject it. By the last video I was in tears, and quite a bit nauseated. I hate needles. My husband hates needles. How are we going to do this? One of us is going to pass out, and it will probably be my husband. Then what are we going to do? There's no way I can give myself a shot.

I started to feel more and more overwhelmed. I thought, what am I doing? This process is doing so much physically, emotionally, and financially, to Brad and I. What if it doesn't work? What if go through all this, and don't get a baby out of it?

I wish I could say I was a strong person. I look at so many of my friends who have gone through so much more and I never see them shed a tear or complain about their situation. Me? I look at a box full of needles and about have a nervous breakdown. You would think by now, with everything else we have gone through to get here, I would be more emotionally ready to go through this experiance.

But I'm not. I'm scared. Really, really scared. This is a total unknown for me. I have a friend who did invitro and she told me she pretty much just stayed in her house for a month. Is that how it's gonna be for me?

My personality is one that does not like to be surprised. When I was younger, I would read the last page of the book I was reading first. I don't do that anymore, even though it is tempting at times. I go online and read all the spoilers for the reality shows I watch. I am the person who goes on vacation and packs an extra suitcase of things just "in case." I like to have things planned out, and don't do well with change. Many of these things I wish I could change, but I am definately a creature of habit, and have a hard time when things get thrown my way that I don't know what's going to happen, or that I can't control. So this whole invitro thing is throwing me through a loop. Even though I know that it's right, and I feel that it's going to work, it is still one of the hardest decisions we've had to make, and will probably be one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do.

Gosh I talk too much. Sorry. Just had to get these feelings out. If anyone knows of anyone that has done invitro that could give me some advise, I would much appreciate it. I'll continue to keep you updated on this process. Thanks for all your love and support!

*****On a side note. I was getting ready for bed, thinking about my last post when I thought about what a Debbie Downer I've been. I'm sorry. I am stressed, scared, and anxious about what the future hold for us, but I am happy and extremely blessed. Sorry for being so negative. I really am excited to do invitro. I just can't wait til the shot thing is over. :)

Easter Day 2011

So last night I was half asleep while doing the last entry. Brad is gone this week at scout camp, and I am trying to catch up on here while he's gone. I wanted to do a post last night, but was totally exhausted. So sorry the last post is so boring. LOL! I left out some Easter pics. So I wanted to add these really quick.

Here is Kassi waiting at the top of the stairs to go look for her Easter basket.

Kassi with her Easter basket.

Kassi in her Easter dress.

She is growing up so fast!

Easter 2011

We had a busy and fun Easter this year. We started off at my in-laws for am Easter Egg Hunt.

The kids waiting to go out.

During the hunt.

Jesse being his usual funny self!

Almost all the grandkids with gran and gramps.

Then onto my family party.

My dad with Kassi and Max.

Danny, Kassi, and Zach

This a usual occurance. LOL! Kassi's pants will not stay up. She has no hips and her pants are constantly sliding down. I even buy the pants that you can tighten around the waist, but to no avail. Kassi is still constantly mooning the world. Love this girl!

St George 2011

Our lil' family went down to St George back in April. We are so lucky because my brother-in-law and sister-in-law have a second home down there, and they were nice enough to let us stay for 5 days in their beautiful home. We did some shopping, hung out at the splash pad, and went to Zion's. Here are some pics.

First we went to the splash area that is by the tabernacle.

Kassi excited that she found a ladybug.

While we were shopping at the outlets, Brad helped an older lady get to her car and put her bags in. She then gave him a "Patriot Pin," and called him a patriot for helping her. It was so funny! Here is Brad very proud of his new pin.

Us eating dinner at Chile's. Kassi took the pic of Brad and me. Except for the lighting, she did a pretty good job.

We were so excited that my in-laws could fly out for a couple days. Brad and I really wanted to go to the St George Temple, so they watched Kassi for us.

We also went to Zions for a day. I had never been and was so excited to go. Kassi was such a trooper. We went on several hikes and she was great. It wasn't til the last hike that she started to get ornery and was really scared to walk on the path if it dropped off at all. But all in all we had a great time. The weather was perfect. I can't wait to go again!