I got a boogie got a boogie in the sunshine

Kassi loves to sing. She makes up songs all the time. And she doesn't care who she sings in front of. She really will sing in front of anyone. This little girl has guts. Well, this morning at 6:45am, Brad and I woke up to Kassi singing. Not softly. No, this child does not know the meaning of soft. She was full out belting it. And what was she belting? "I got a boogie got a boogie in the sunshine." Repeated over and over and over again. After five minutes of this, both Brad and I were laughing so hard we were crying. She finally comes in our room, and I ask her what she is singing. She then repeats,"I got a boogie got a boogie in the sunshine." That's when it clicks. "Oh, you're singing Pocketful of Sunshine!" The Natasha Bedingfield song that she has only heard a handful of times. She couldn't remember the words, so of course she made up her own. Why she chose the word boogie, I don't know. Love this girl!

A Day Riding the Frontrunner

Last month we decided to have a day out riding the frontrunner train. We were lucky to go with Brad's mom, Deanne, and my sister-in-law, Kristen, with her three kids. We had a lot of fun. Here are some pics.

Waiting to get on the train. It was cold and windy. That part was not fun.

Waiting for the train to leave.

At the train museum in Ogden.

There was also a little classic car museum that we went through. It was pretty amazing to look at cars that were from the 30's.

This really was a fun day. The kids loved riding on the train. I totally recommend everyone take a day to do it. But bring things they can do on the train. It takes about an hour to go from Salt Lake to Ogden with all the stops. But it was totally worth it.

Disney on Ice

We were so lucky that Brad was given three tickets to Disney on Ice from a vendor at his work. Kassi was ecstatic, and we had a blast.

Here is us waiting for the show to start.

Pics of the show. It was seriously so adorable.

Kassi got a little nervous when some of the "villians" came out, so she hopped on daddy's lap.

We really had so much fun. This is going to sound so cheesy, but I think I watched Kassi more than the show. Seeing the joy on her face literally brought tears to my eyes. There are lots of things that make me happy, but I would give everyone of them up just to see Kassi that happy again. I love being a mom.

A Little Stumble Down This Path.....

*I couldn't download the video on here. I guess it was too long. So the past couple days I have actually been debating on whether to post this or not. I really hate being such a downer on here, but I have opened up on here about this process and what I've been feeling, so I guess I should continue. If not for those who are interested, but for me. So I will never forget this time and take my future children for granted.

Brad made this video of Kassi when she turned one. He had put it on a DVD, but it had been lost in the several moves we've done over the years. I asked him if he still had it on the computer, and he found it for me. I felt the need to watch it. Felt that I needed to see my almost 6 year old as a baby, to remember what it was like to hold her..... I have had a rough couple days, because once again, this month turned up with a negative pregnancy test, and the realization that my "baby" is going to kindergarten this year has really started to depress me. I never in a million years thought that I would be sending my oldest child off to school without having any other children. Some of you are probably thinking, wow, that is going to be so nice for you. Half a day by yourself. But I am sitting here in tears right now just thinking about it. My family is my life. Kassi is my life, and I just have to come to terms that when I send her off to school there is not going to be another child here for me to take care of. And as I sit and cry while writing about it, I am searching. Searching for the peace I need right now.

I thought I had come to terms with the fact that we might have to do invitro. But I was convinced that me having this surgery would help us to get pregnant on our own. And now the thought of going back to the invitro topic flat out scares me to death. I was so sure that if we have to do it, it will work. But....... what if it doesn't? What if we spend thousands of dollars and don't get that baby we are so desperately praying for? We'll be out of money and out of choices.

But that is what life's all about, right? We all take risks. We all go through trials. We all have our good days and bad days, right? I'm so sorry. I told myself I would not get on hear and cry and complain about my problems. So many people have it SO much worse than me. But this is almost like therapy for me. I'm trying so hard to stay strong and have faith. I tell people I'm fine because I want to seem strong. But right now, I'm not. Not even close. Most days I am fine. I look at the pregnant women around me and it brings me pure joy. I think it was watching this video. Bringing back the memories of when I was pregnant with Kassi and when she was born. I think I try and forget what I am missing, or try to focus on the negatives of having a newborn so it will dull the pain. But watching this video just reminded me of the pure joy I had when Kassi was born. I had never been happier and more scared in my entire life. I just want that again. So badly. And I know I will. I just have to be patient. I will get through this day, and be better tomorrow. Once again, thanks for listening. Your comments here on my blog and to me in person are what help get me through this time.

Family Pictures 2011

My side of the family got our pictures taken last month while my brother and sis-in-law were here. They turned out pretty well. Here they are:(Sorry, picture overload!)



















I'm pretty pasty and Kassi made some funny faces, but all in all I love how they turned out. I have a pretty good lookin' family, right?

Two Weddings in One Day........

I was so lucky to have one of my really great friends and one of my really great cousins get married on the same day at the same temple, and I was able to go to both. It was an amazing day. Here are some pics.

First was my beautiful cousin, Whitney and her husband Andrew.


My mom, Justin, and me.

My cousins, Heather and Celeste.

Me and my Mom

My Uncle Matt, my Mom, my Uncle Jim, and my cousin Heather.

My cousins Hannah and Abby.


Onto the next wedding.......
I was so excited to be able to spend the day with my best friend since 7th grade, Lisa. We met Karilyn, our friend that got married, back at BYU Nauvoo 10 years ago. So we were so excited to be able to go to her wedding.

Here are Lisa's and mine attempt at taking a picture of ourselves.





Beautiful Karilyn and her husband Clint.

Me, KA, and Lis.


Loved, loved, LOVED this day! Being in the temple is awesome, but witnessing two people that are very special to me being sealed for time and all eternity to their spouses made it all the more special.