Kassi's 5th Birthday Parties

Kassi had a fun birthday this year. She had her first friend birthday party. It was, to say the least, crazy. But they all had a lot of fun. Here are some pics:





We took Kassi to Farm Country at Thanksgiving Point. We love that place. It started to pour, but we still had a fun time. Here are some pics of that.




Kassi's birthday is really close to her cousin Trey and her Uncle Jesse's. So we had a joint party for the three of them at the Clegg household.


Kassi also had a party at the Swanson household. This little girl is so spoiled by her grandparents.





I really can't believe my baby is five. She is my life, and I love her more than anything in this world. Happy Birthday Kass! Daddy and I love you!

Gymnastics

I decided to put Kassi in gymnastics at the beginning of the year for two reasons.

1. To help Kassi with her coordination. As I've said previously, Kassi is not very coordinated. She is very tall and klutzy, just like her mom.
2. Gymcats is 30 seconds from my house.

Kassi loved gymnastics at first, but she slowly started to dislike it. They made her jump off high things and do other things that she didn't like. But it has helped her alot. I was leaning towards taking her out cause she threw a fit every time we had to go. And then I lost my job and we didn't have a choice. Needless to say, she is very happy she isn't in there anymore. I took a couple pics to remember this brief, but fun\not so fun time for Kassi.


Kassi showing me her stamp she got cause she did such a good job.

This is what Jesus wants us to do......

Right now Kassi is playing upstairs with her little friend that is not LDS. Normally I wouldn't say stuff like that, but you need to know that to understand the conversation they are having right now.

Kassi: Jasmine, we need to say a prayer.

Jasmine: What?

Kassi: We need to say a prayer to Heavenly Father so that you won't be bossy anymore.
That's what Jesus wants us to do. To say prayers.

Jasmine: Silence....

Kassi: C'mon Jasmine. Kneel down. We need to say a prayer. The Savior will help you to be nice.

Jasmine: I'm not kneeling down.

Kassi: Fine. I will go to the bathroom and pray since you won't be quiet. Jesus loves little children and he will help you.

Jasmine: Ok. Then go to the bathroom and say your prayer.

Kassi: OK

*****Silence for a moment******

Kassi: Did he help you? Did the Savior help you?

Jasmine: I don't know what you're talking about.

Their conversation is still going on right now. Kassi keeps saying stuff about Heavenly Father and Jesus. I am totally cracking up right now. It's hilarious cause she's talking to her friend like she should know all this stuff. Well at least I am glad to know that my daughter is somewhat listening to us. She's already becoming a little missionary. Something I thought I should put in here to remember.

Everything's Going To Be OK......

Ok, so my post yesterday was so depressing, and I guess that's probably because I was, well, depressed. You know when there is something you REALLY want and you think you will get it, and then time goes on and you don't. You try really hard to be patient and understanding of the person that is supposed to be giving it to you, but after awhile you just feel like throwing up your hands and shouting why. Yesterday was my why day. I truly believe the Lord does not make mistakes, and I have total faith that everything happens for a reason. That's why it isn't hard for me to see women pregnant or new babies, because that is what the Lord is wanting for this person right now. That is part of that person's plan.

Each month I get together with some of my best friends from high school, and each month I look forward to being with my friends. Well yesterday was our night out, and my poor friends had to listen to me bawl the half of the time. But they were so supportive, just like all of you are being. And when I got home, I felt rejuvenated. As I talked with Brad about how I was feeling, I realized that the Lord works in mysterious ways. On the day that I felt like I was at my breaking point, I was reminded of just how lucky I am. I have amazing friends and a husband who loves me unconditionally.

I also want to say to anyone who is reading this that has no children and would die just to have one, I'm sorry. You are probably reading this wondering what the heck I'm complaining about when I have one and you have none. Trust me. This thought goes through my mind all the time. It's what keeps me going everyday. For some reason the Lord gave me Kassidy.(He probably knew that if he didn't, I would have lost my mind by now.)And I'm so grateful for it.

Yesterday was a bad day. Probably one of my worst. But as Brad and I talked about the possibilities of our future, instead of feeling discouraged, I felt rejuvenated.

No matter what the future holds, everything is going to be ok. I can't promise there won't ever be anymore of those sad posts, but I feel hope again. We are probably going to have to take some very expensive chances on getting pregnant, but I feel like it's going to work for us. Hopefully, by the end of next year we'll have a new addition to our family. :) Thanks again for all your love and encouragement. It means the world to me.

Another Bump In The Road

First of all, I just want to say thank you for all your comments and support. You have no idea how much it means to me. This past week has been really rough for me, and reading all that you have to say has boosted my spirit. So thanks, again. I love you ALL!

I wish I could say I had good news about my situation, but unfortunately it's only gotten worse. Like I said before, I had a cyst burst back in May. Since then I have been very concerned with having another one burst. I talked to my nurse at my Dr's office, and she kinda blew me off.

Well, I know I have had more cysts because I can feel them. When I ovulate or when it's that time of month they are extremely painful. Last month when I started my period I was in so much pain I was down for two days. I called my nurse and told her the situation. She very nicely told me that if it was bad again next month they would want me to come in.

Alright, I thought. I'll just wait til next month. When I went in for AI, though, I knew I should talk to my Dr about it. He seemed concerned and told me that if I start my period I should come in so they can take a look.

So today I went in for an ultrasound. They told me I have two cysts. Both 3 cm and filled with fluid. My nurse sat me down and told me how bad she felt because I was in so much pain.(No sh** Sherlock. Sorry, there's a little bit of bitterness there.)And that I was not going to be able to go back on Clomid this month. Therefore, no AI. Clomid makes cysts a lot worse, and they didn't want another one to burst.

I am a pretty nice person. I really try to avoid confrontation as much as possible. But as I left the office I started to get more and more angry. This is something they should have figured out 4 months ago. When I had a cyst burst, why weren't they watching me more closely? We spent all this money on AI for what? Nothing. These cysts were probably double the size when I was ovulating and that makes it pretty difficult to get pregnant.

So, what's the next step? I wish I knew. I feel like we are at a dead end right now. If I continue to have these cysts, that means no Clomid, and they don't do AI without Clomid. So invitro is probably the next step. How in the heck are we going to afford that?

How am I feeling right now you may ask? For the first time since this whole process began, I feel hopeless.

The Rough Road of Infertility.........

I've been debating for a long time whether or not to post about my infertility issues. It's a very personal thing for me, so I haven't wanted to, until now. Most of you probably know that my husband and I are trying for a baby. I know I've made several comments about it in previous posts. But alot of you probably don't know the details and probably don't care, but today, as I took yet another negative pregnancy test I wished more than anything I could had someone to talk to that actually knows what I am going through. Or at least read someone else's experiences. I have many friends and family member who I know care very deeply about this and who have listened to me cry many times, but they don't actually know what I'm going through. They can sympathise, but not empathise. For this reason, I am going to start blogging more about my experiences for those women who need someone to relate to. For the rest of you reading this, I'm sorry. You're going to just have to deal with the drama of my road to pregnancy.

So as I said in a previous post, it took me a year to get pregnant with Kassi. That was so hard. Everyone around me was getting pregnant, and I would cry and cry. My mom popped out babies like they were nothing and I thought I would be the same way. When I finally got pregnant, we were so beyond happy. After we had Kassi, I didn't want to wait too long to start trying again for fear it would take another year. Brad, wanted to wait a while. Finally when Kassi was about 18 months we started trying. To my surprise we got pregnant after 4 months. We were so excited. After 7 weeks I miscarried. That was hard. But I thought I would get pregnant again right away. Boy was I ever wrong.

After a year of trying my dr said that I should start taking Clomid, but we would have to get Brad "tested" first. We put it off for months hoping I would just get pregnant and not half to go through the whole testing proccess. Finally we bit the bullet and just did it. When I got the results I was so relieved. Brad had some, uh, issues with his boys. He had a vericosile(sp?)vein. It was causing some blockage and therefore the boys weren't swimming so well and most of them were mutated.(He's going to love me announcing this to everyone.)I was excited cause we were finally getting some answers, but not so excited cause Brad was going to have to have surgery.

By the time he had the surgery, we were going on 2 years of trying. The surgery was horrible to say the least. Well, maybe I should say his recovery was horrible. I won't go into that, though. The Dr said he wouldn't be up to par for probably around six months. Well six months came and went. No prego. So poor Brad had to be tested again. Everything looked good. So then what the heck was going on?

I the started my first round of Clomid. It was horrible. It made me feel so crappy, gave me migraines, and made me a tad crazy. I was on it three months and nothing. So I went off it. They decided to do more testing on me. They did a test were they shoot die in your Fallopian tubes to make sure there is no blockage. Mine were perfect. My Dr was so confused. I had had 2 pregnancies, but for the life of me couldn't get pregnant again.

So I went to see my family Dr who I had heard was helping women get pregnant as well. He diagnosed me with PCOS. I guess my hormones weren't working exactly the way they should have been. So he put me on progesterone and some other stuff for my cysts. I tried that for a couple months and then decided to start Clomid again.

Let me tell you how not fun it is to be taking Clomid by itself, and then combining it with hormones. I look like a 15 year old with the acne plus I've gained like 10-15 pounds depending on the day. My poor, poor husband. He is so patient with me. I'm a serious loony, no joke.

Well, back in March my OB told me if I were his wife he would tell me to do AI(artificial insemination). Brad and I agreed to try one more month and if I didn't get pregnant we would do AI. Well guess what? Yup. No pregnancy. So we did AI. Ya, that's not so fun either. It's like a very painful Pap. Which gives you alot of cramping afterword. Oh well. If this is what it takes to get me pregnant, than so be it. Well, no pregnancy. That month I also had an ovarian cyst burst. Clomid will do that to ya. Give you cysts and make your periods extremely painful. Fun times.

The next month I took all of my ovulation tests and still hadn't ovulated. I called up my nurse and she had me go in for some blood work. Called me back a couple days later. Yup. No ovulation. Well, isn't that what Clomid is supposed to do? Make you ovulate? Why yes, she said, but we are obviously not giving you enough, so I'm gonna go ahead and double your dosage. Lovely. More fun times. Especially for Brad.

That brings it to this month. We once again did AI, and once again, not pregnant. I've tried my best to stay positive through these 4 years as much as possible. And please believe me when I say I am happy for you if you are pregnant cause I am. Genuinely. I don't ever want anyone to be afraid to tell me about there pregnancy. The thing I've learned most from this experience is that everything happens for a reason. Babies are true gifts from God, and if you are pregnant with one, than just know that is what is supposed to be happening. and if you are like me and not getting pregnant, know that the Lord is watching over you. Today I felt extremely low. Just one of those days where you don't even want to get out of bed. Where you question everything you are doing. Wondering what the future is going to hold. Knowing that I have more children waiting to come down, and wondering why I can't get them here. But as I prayed to my Heavenly Father, I knew he was there with me. That even though I feel like he's not listening to my prayers at times, I know he is. I don't know why this has been chosen as one of my trials, but I know I will get through this, and there are things much worse that could be going on in my life right now.

I have a beautiful healthy daughter. She is the one who gets me through this trail. I am so lucky and blessed to have her.

I'm sorry that once again this went on forever. But it's actually made me feel better to write this all down. Hopefully this will be able to help anyone who is going through the same thing. I will keep you all updated on what we do next.

Kassi Pics 12 months

So I thought since I had started putting baby pics of Kassi on here, I should just keep going. So here are some more pics. These are of Kassi's first Birthday. Before I go on, let me tell you a little about her. As you can see from pics, Kassi was extremely chubby, so she was very slow physically. She did not crawl. She was a bum scooter. We took video of it that I wish I could put on here cause it was HILARIOUS! But I wondered if something was wrong with her physically. As I expressed my concerns to my pediatrician, she told me just to be on the safe side she wanted me to call someone to come check her out. I was totally stressed. The guy came and evaluated her, and he said she was totally fine. She was just finding a different way to get around than most babies. I felt so much better. But then she hit a year and still was scooting around on her bum. She was a very stubborn little girl and as hard as we tried she refused to walk. Finally at about 17 months she started walking. It was a miracle. But she has continued to be a little slower physically. Not to mention she shot up like a twig. So by the time she got comfortable on her feet she was growing at such a fast rate her body just wasn't keeping up.

Anyway, at age 5 she is starting to run as fast as other kids, but unfortunately is very clumsy. That comes from me. Here are some pics from her first b-day.