So, I've been a slacker and haven't posted in awhile. I have a lot to catch up on, but for now, I feel the need to express some things. Some things have happened in my personal life recently that have got me thinking. Here's what I've been thinking about:
1. I saw my OB last week, and they did another ultrasound. The two cysts I had are still there and are exactly the same. They also think I have a polyp in there. Thus making it very difficult to get pregnant. They also think from these tests and other symptoms I have that I have endometriosis. They couldn't diagnose me for sure cause you have to have surgery to do that, but that's what they are guessing. My OB suggested we start doing the "more aggressive" approach, which is IVF. I was thinking it would come to this, but we thought we were going to try some other steps first. My OB thinks it would just be a waste of money. So, I have sent my records to one of the fertility specialists that I will be seeing that is in LA. He flies down every other month to do Invitro with the other Dr that is in American Fork. I am waiting to get a phone call from his secretary to set up a phone consultation with him to talk about the whole process. I am really anxious to start this process. And really nervous, but also excited. Ya, is it gonna be fun being on tons of drugs, giving myself shots, and spending thousands of dollars? No. But it's ok. Because you know what? We are gonna get a baby from this. I feel it in my very soul.
2. A couple weeks ago, I had a friend in my ward who came up to and told me she had read my blog, and how bad she felt for everything I was going through. We talked for a long time about the problems of infertility. We left each other with her giving me a hug, and telling me I was in her prayers. A week or so later, while sitting in church, I found out this friend of mine has cancer. I was shocked, and was doing everything in my power to control the tears. But when I got home, I cried. Here is this beautiful woman, who has an incredible family, who is so incredibly strong and amazing that she sat and talked with me about my seemingly insignificant problem, and didn't once complain or even talk about what was going on with her. I felt horrible, like the biggest jerk, ever. And then I thought, I know she would be upset if she knew I was feeling this way. So I decided to change my attitude on things. I will still blog about my experiences with infertility, but there is no more woest me crap. I'm sure I will have my hard days, but I am going to look at my blessings in life more, and not focus on what's not going right. I am happy. I am thrilled to start this next journey. And my dear friend, if you are reading this, know that you are an inspiration to me. You are a rock, and I am sure you have your bad days, but I have never once seen one. Thank you for your example to me. You have made me a better person for knowing you. Please know I am here if you need anything.
3. Someone I know very well, I just found out, has made some very poor choices in their life. It has been very hard for me. But as I see the atonement working in their life, it makes me extremely grateful for the gospel. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and some very crazy things happened so that this person could come to the realization of their mistakes. The Lord loves us. He does not stand by and do nothing while we are going down the wrong path. He has given us the Holy Ghost to warn us and others around us. We just have to be willing to listen. If Brad and I hadn't been listening, we never would have found out what this person was doing. As hard as this is to get through, I know I will because I have turned my feelings over to the Lord, and I am at peace.
Well, as you can see, a lot has been on my mind. Thanks for listening.
