Ok. So it's almost 1 in the morning and I am still up. Just thinking, but this time it is about the things I have been blessed with. I am reading a book right now called, "Kissed By An Angel." Really sweet book. (Thanks Karey!) It talks about death and angels, and has got me thinking. Thinking about how blessed I am.
Yes, we all go through hard things in our lives. Some much harder than others. Going on 3 years of being infertile sucks, bad, but nothing compared to things some of you have gone through.
I have really been trying to focus on the positive things in my life, from the very beginning since I miscarried 3 years ago. Every time I would start to get down, I would think to myself how good I have it. It has only been recently that things have gotten a bit harder for me. I'm really trying hard to stay positive, and to "relax" like every freaking person in the world has told me to do. (Sorry, it gets kinda annoying.) I had a talk with someone recently who pretty much told me that yes, what I am going through is hard, but I should be thankful for what I have. That really shocked me. Am I portraying to people that I am not thankful? Because I am. If I was only ever to have one child, I would still be thankful for my life. Many women can't have ANY! I have an amazing husband who I love more than life, a beautiful, healthy little girl who is my life, a job where I can work from home, my husband's job, a home to live in, amazing parents, siblings, and in-laws, friends that would do pretty much anything for me, and most importantly, the gospel, and my Savior. (I could go on, but this post is already getting a little too long.)
I love my life and apologize to any whose feelings I may have hurt. Please know if you ever hear me talking about my problems of infertility, that I always have the big picture in the back of my mind. Compared to many in this world, my life would be considered perfect, and in many ways it is. But I am certainly not. Very far from it. So there are times I have my own little pity parties. Times where I am so sick of praying for the same things over and over again, and feeling those prayers aren't getting answered. Wanting the same thing year after year tends to always be in the back of your mind. Here I go again. Sorry. See? It just starts coming out if I'm not careful.
Anyway after reading this book, it just reminded me of how quickly life can slip away. I never want those around me to question my love and gratitude for them. Every single person who is reading this, I know I would be able to thank you for some way you have affected my life.
I am a better person for knowing all of you! Thank you all for your friendship, support, and most of all, love.
Now before this gets any cheesier, I better get to sleep!
6 comments:
You are SO allowed to have pity parties! What you want is not selfish Scar. Were all hoping and praying for you that it happens soon- and anyone who isn't can keep their mouth shut! :) Love ya!
I have never thought you to be selfish in your desires, nor have I thought you aren't grateful for what you have.
It's times like these it would be nice to understand the big picture,unfortunatley that's not how it works. Hang in there, I think you are AMAZING!
Are you done with the book? What did you think?
That was so sweet Scarlett! Anyone who may have been annoyed by your venting is just plain selfish! ;) I have never thought of you as an ungrateful person, and even though you are incredibly blessed, there is absolutely nothing wrong with sharing your feelings of frustration with those you love. We have family and friends to support us, and to be there to listen when we're going through trials. You are so not a negative person!
I also need to add that, you have always been so compassionate and understanding when I've needed to "vent" to you! Thanks for being there for me!!!!
I have never felt that you are selfish for wanting more cute Kassi's! LOL! I have always admired you. You are beautiful inside and out and I say just keep prayin' your little heart out.
You are one of the sweetest and most positive people I know, Scarlett! It is a righteous desire to want to have children, and there is nothing wrong with feeling the desire and need to bring more of Heavenly Father's spirits into your family.
Infertility is a HUGE emotional rollercoaster, and it is difficult for people to understand how hurtful their well-meaning comments can be. I miscarried shortly after Brian and I were married, and then I couldn't get pregnant for a little over 5 years. I heard a lot of "When are you going to start your family--don't you think you've been married long enough?" or "You can always adopt." Anyway, just hang in there. There are so many treatments they can do these days--modern medicine is so amazing! I will keep you in my prayers!
You can vent to me anytime... If you can interupt my venting to get a word in edgewise! Lol - We all need someone to express our frustrations to. It certainly doesn't make you ungrateful. Thanks for always being there for me. Love ya.
Post a Comment